Hello fellow humanoid carbon units. Yes, this is yet another article about staying motivated during questionable periods caused by the epic level of existential dread that is pervading our collective minds on this funny little rock in outer space. Don’t bother reading this if you’re looking for something serious, prolific, and life changing like a Mark Manson newsletter.
Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect it. I’d like to think that we have all experienced bullshit that makes us want to crawl under a rock and hide. But fear not! In this profanity-laced guide to survival, we're going to tackle the art of staying motivated with a recipe that your sarcastic family matriarch could have written. Toss your seat belts to the wind and throw yourself into this sea of semantic nonsense.
1. Embrace the Chaos
Let's face it, life is a non consensual batshit crazy rollercoaster ride that doesn't come with an instruction manual. When faced with stress and uncertainty, it's crucial to embrace the chaos and acknowledge that shit is fucking happening. Remind yourself that you're not alone in this madness and that it's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. Take a deep breath, scream into a pillow if you need to, and repeat after me: "This too shall pass, motherf**ker!" Say it out loud in a public space with a lot of people and make sure they all heard you. NFA.
2. Set Realistic Goals
Motivation thrives on goals, but in times of stress, setting unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and further demotivation. For real, just fucking give up sometimes, no shame in it. Set small, achievable goals that will give you a sense of accomplishment instead. Break down big tasks into bite-sized chunks, and reward yourself with something that will probably shave some days off your health (like a pint of ice cream or a well-deserved binge of Grey’s Anatomy, or Battlestar Galactica - same shit), every time you check one off your list. Or just write absurdly long sentences with long parenthesized bits in between knowing it will tick somebody off somewhere. Just aim low for 5 fucking seconds.
3. Find Your Happy Place (No, Not That Kind)
When life gets tough, it's crucial to have a happy place to escape to mentally. It could be a physical spot like a cozy corner in your home or a serene park, or simply a mental retreat where you can let your imagination run wild. Steal your cat’s favorite spot. Create a mental sanctuary that's free from stress, a place where you can flip off reality and recharge your batteries. And remember, if anyone tries to ruin your happy place, tell them you would rather be masturbating with a cheese grater than have to listen to another fucking word out of their filthy mouths.
4. Get Out of Your Negative Loop
Misery loves company, but when you're trying to stay motivated, it's essential to surround yourself with positive shit. Seek out friends who are not also wallowing in depression like you are, immerse yourself in non-serious books or podcasts, and curate your social media feed to include- wait no actually just fucking get off social media. Life's too short to waste your energy on toxic people and negative energy. Stop trying to sell your NFTs for a few days. Stop engaging with far right/left trolls and pundits, or soulless engagement farming influencer wannabes. Ain't nobody got time for that shit!
5. Take Care of Yourself (Like a Boss)
Self-care is not a luxury; it's a goddamn necessity! When stress is trying to bring you down, kick its sorry ass with some self-love and care. Treat yourself to a bubble bath, indulge in your favorite comfort foods (in moderation, of course), get some exercise, and don't forget to catch those Zs. Think that all sounds “gay?” Good, get gay AF! That’s the fucking agenda you’ve clearly been missing in your life. Remember, you can't conquer the world if you're running on empty. Prioritize yourself and be the boss of your own stress. Stress people out with how good you feel. Make them panic and want to get a pedicure. Give ‘em confused brain boners (ie. adrenaline + endorphin).
6. Laugh in the Face of Adversity
Humor is the ultimate stress antidote. I don’t care how dark your humor is, long as it makes you laugh a little. When life throws you a curveball, flip it the bird and laugh in its face. Say NOT TODAY FUCKER at nobody in general. Watch a shit-ass comedy, read some dad jokes, or unleash your epic failure of an inner comedian by cracking jokes about your situation. Laughter releases endorphins, those magical feel-good chemicals (read: brain drugs), and can help you regain perspective that’s not laced with disappointment. So, go ahead, laugh at your cats, strangers on the street, or into the pillow you were just screaming into, and tell stress to go f**k itself.
The Point
Staying motivated during stressful and uncertain times can be a real pain in the fucking ass, but with the right mindset and a touch of humor, you can squish stress down a bit and live guilt free for a little bit.
There’s no formula for this shit. All those self help gurus will tell you the same thing, while selling you their own formula. It’s all literal insanity, nobody knows what we’re really doing out here, and 99% of people that you see get rich started off with investment from another rich person.
Stop matching up to the success of others, pull your pants up, get out of the house, and tell everybody in your way to fuck right off. Once you’re flowing with the universe a little again, you can come back to your regularly scheduled suffering. I promise it’ll be easier to deal with.
Oh and, go touch grass, and retweet the fuck out of everything on Iterative.